Exploring Buddhism

By Maslow

August 16, 2007, 11:14 AM

You must be present to win

This phrase is often related to contests, but it also applies to life in general. Dwelling on the past can make us miserable and being preoccupied with the future can cause us to miss out on opportunities for happiness in our daily lives. Buddhists believe that living in the present is the way to "enlightenment."

At the heart of Buddhism are some very simple concepts and I'm going to start there. I'm by no means an expert and some of this is just my interpretation. There a several schools of Buddhism and they're the result of personal interpretations of Prince Siddhartha Gautama's teachings -- the founder of Buddhism some 2500 years ago.

The Four Noble Truths

1. The truth about suffering
   
2. The truth about the cause of suffering
   
3. The truth about the cessation of suffering
   
4. The truth about the way to enlightenment (or nirvana)

That is a fact of life or a "truth" in life. We begin life with suffering. Most people begin life as a crying baby. We leave our mother's womb and the first emotion we experience is suffering, and we spend the next few months crying. What is so horrible about being a baby that causes us to cry?

Throughout our lives, we experience suffering. We don't get the attention we want or need from our parents. Maybe we're picked on by other kids when we're young. Or we're asked a question by a teacher which we are unable to answer and we feel humiliation.

Then, as we get older, there is heartbreak and disappointment. That's not to say that all suffering is bad. Some suffering can build character and strength. It's like the body. When your body is exposed to minor viruses and infections, it builds up your immune system and you're better able to ward off serious illnesses. It's the same with life. When we experience minor suffering on a regular basis, it makes us less prone to be devastated by a major event.

There are forms of suffering that are good, such as missing a loved one. It reminds us of how much we love that person and when we see that person again, we are that much happier.

There is a lot of needless suffering in the world. Because of our actions in the Middle East, many Iraqis are suffering. US imposed embargoes tend to hurt the general population of the targeted countries where we our intentions were to punish the leaders.

In life, we suffer when we don't get the promotion at work we think we deserve. Or when we are turned down for a date. Or when we can't afford the house or car we want. Or when someone insults us.

As we get older, we look in the mirror and see wrinkles and gray hair. We have to diet just to stay at the same weight. Our hairlines recede and we go bald. We don't have the energy we used to have.

Most people on this board suffer from SAD. We suffer when we have to be around people. We suffer even when we're alone because we ruminate about the way we act when we are around people. We suffer when we have to speak in front of a group of people. We suffer when we want to ask someone out on a date. Life is full of suffering when you suffer from social anxiety.

The Second Noble Truth: The cause of suffering is craving.

We spend our lives craving. If we could only get the perfect job, the perfect companion, the perfect house, the perfect car... If we only get the things we crave, then we'll be happy. The problem is, there's always something else.

There's a story about a man who was looking for the perfect woman. He met a woman who was beautiful but didn't satisfy his intellectual needs. Then he met a woman who was smart and funny, but physically wasn't his type. Then he met a woman who was beautiful, smart, but for some reason, they just didn't connect. Finally he thought he found the perfect woman. She was beautiful, smart, funny, and he enjoyed her company immensely.
A friend asked him, "So why didn't you marry her?"
He responded, "Because she was looking for the perfect man."

Craving is related to attachment. With all the attention society places on appearance, we become overly attached to our bodies. Not that we shouldn't take care of them. Our bodies are a vehicle to get us around. Just like an automobile, we need to treat them right and with proper maintenence and care, they can last us a long time. But as we get older, our bodies start to deteriorate. we feel bad about ourselves because we are losing our youth. We feel unattractive when the wrinkles start to show and our hair turns gray.

People go through extremes to keep looking young: face lifts, Botox injections, hair implants. It seems like everyone is dying their hair these days. I saw Bob Dole on a news program the other day and even he is dying his hair! My wife and I watched the latest Rocky movie staring the 60 year old Sylvester Stalone and his dyed black hair. He looked ridiculus.

What is wrong with gray hair? It's a fact of life that people go gray when they get older, but we have such a strong attachment to our bodies that we just can't accept it. Look at what we do when people die: we dress them up like they're going to a party! It's a dead body! But we can't accept this simple fact of life. People are born, they live, and then they die.

Aside from the changes in our bodies as we age, some people are unable to accept something about their bodies -- even when they are young. When it becomes a problem in that person's life, it is known as body dysmorphic disorder. We see these anorexic young women who think they're fat when in reality, they're rail thin. I once dated a woman who kept having surgery to "improve" her appearance. First she had a nose job and then she had breast implants. Who knows what surgery she's had since we went out. People become so attached to their body that they can't accept any imperfections. It's our imperfections that make us interesting but still we crave perfection, which in itself is an imperfection.

Social anxiety is often triggered by craving. We want to be accepted in groups. We want people to think highly of us. We want close relationships. It's not that we shouldn't have these things, but our excessive or intense craving for these things often results in anxiety and sometimes depression.

The Third Noble Truth: Suffering Can End!

Since the cause of suffering is craving, all you have to do is stop craving. Of course, that's a little simplistic. There's nothing wrong with wanting a good career, close relationships, and a nice place to live. But there are things we crave that we can't have and the only way to end the suffering that results is acceptance.

There is a lot of overlap into the field of psychology with the concept of acceptance. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, as its name implies, focuses primarily on acceptance of ourselves. In The Six Pillars of Self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden, one of the "six pillars" is acceptance. In fact, most popular therapies promote the concept of self-acceptance.

Jack Kornfield, one of the primary founders of the Insight Meditation movement in American, said, "Forgiveness is about giving up all hope for a better past." Acceptance is about forgiving yourself for the things you have done or wish you had done, and it's also about forgiving others for the things they have done to you.

The cessation of craving is also about things we want to have in our lives. There's nothing wrong with having goals but the craving disrupts our lives. We crave close relationships but just sitting around craving doesn't get you into a relationship. In fact, it makes you miserable, which makes you less likely to find those close relationships.

We can be happy by living in the present, even without the things that are lacking in our lives. To live in the present, we must accept ourselves and accept our past. We must forgive ourselves and those who have hurt us.

Living in the present is living without craving. Even something like an itch can make us miserable when we crave that it will stop. Living in the present, also called mindfulness, is accepting the itch and simply observing it. After a few moments, often the itch will actually go away without any scratching.

We crave respect and when we don't get it, we ruminate and obsess over disrespectful things people have said to us or the way people have treated us. Living in the present frees us from those maladaptive thoughts. In Buddhism, there is a way to live that fosters self-respect, respect from others, and calm in our lives. It is the path to Nirvana, which is the Forth Noble Truth.

The Forth Noble Truth: The way to end suffering

We can end suffering in our lives by following the Eightfold Path